Dusty around here. It’s been a while. Here’s the deal:
I Didn’t Graduate
Oh, darkest of dark fantasies. Yea, it didn’t happen. The long dark hole that was the Fall of 2005 ended up swallowing me, and I have to finish over the summer. There are details, but all you need to know is that I will be done by September. Interesting note: Brown’s charter specifies that it will only give out actual diplomas once a year, in May. Those unfortunate souls like myself who technically graduate midyear will receive a personally signed letter from President Ruth Simmons attesting to our status as “RCDF”: Requirements Completed, Degree Forthcoming.
I Didn’t Leave
As soon as the powers that be determined that I wasn’t graduating, my immediate impulse was to get as far away from Rhode Island as physically possible. I nearly bought a solo, one-way ticket to Puerto Rico. I even had my (incredibly cheap) cabana a block from the beach picked out. I was going to leave the night after exams were over, take a bunch of books I’d been meaning to read, shut off my cell phone, and drink heavily. Maybe pick up a little Spanish. I’d come back in time to move out of Governor Street and life would go on.
My friends had other plans.
Led by Lenehan, who is perhaps the most un-ignorable man on the planet, I heard an uninterrupted chorus of “What? Why? You’re an idiot!” for over two weeks. Even people I haven’t necessarily gotten along with terrible well over the last four years were sort of shocked. Professors of whom I had grown fond (and even some I had not) in the last few years cracked on me incessantly. I tried explaining that it would be a hollow ritual, that it wouldn’t be right, that I didn’t deserve it. And those things ended up being at least partially true. But one person put it best: “Well, that makes perfect sense, if Senior Week and Graduation were only just about you. But if you’re not acting like a selfish bastard, then the choice seems pretty clear.” Point taken. So I stayed.
I Don’t Regret It
In the end, it was the right decision. (Yes, I know you all told me so.) It was a fabulous time. It was as fitting an homage as can be constructed to properly celebrate what have been four of the best years of my entire life. Senior Week was a glorious, hilarious, raucous, joyous collection of events and experiences that I will never forget. Graduation itself was an emotional, not quite whole, not quite pure, but beautiful experience nonetheless. Graudation ended up being a 50/50 split: half of me was thinking of myself and my situation and my last four years, and the other half was just so proud of the people of my class. ’06 was a force. We’re not good enough, not yet, but we’re absolutely a force. There are so many brilliant minds, so many transcendent talents, so much passion, such robust joie de vivre, such optimism, that my faith in the solvability of the world’s problems has consistently been renewed and strengthened these last four years. Graduation was the consummation of that process of renewal and strengthening and the high art rendering of an ancient tradition that links us with generations of Brunonians past. My life would be different if I had not gone. Thanks to you all, the All Stars of 117 Governor in particular, for convincing me to go.
So What Now?
So now here’s what I’m doing:
- finishing coursework for my IR graduation requirements
- slowly but surely starting to get in shape (I’m pretty pathetic right now)
- starting the process of applying to the Navy
- having an unpleasant operation on July the 20th, after which I’ll be out of commission for a few weeks
- reading a lot, both for the coursework and for pleasure
- trying to coalesce my scattered thoughts on the state of the world
- trying to find a way to do more outdoors-y things like hiking and rock climbing
- cooking quite a bit
That’s about it. It’s a very strange, very Purgatory-feeling existence. But Purgatory is, really, a good thing, right? One cleanses ones’ self for the adventure ahead.
Perhaps that’s just what I need.
